Become Your Child’s Best Advocate

Every new school year parents face a myriad of decisions: school lunch or bag lunch? Wide-rule or college-rule paper? What bedtime is ideal? How much “growing room” is too much?           
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Some of these decisions won’t impact your child’s long-term academic success, but educators across all grade levels agree on one that will: how you choose to advocate for your child in school. Experts also agree the best approaches parents can use center on intentional, frequent communication with your child’s teachers and administrators.
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Elementary School: Give Your Student a Head Start           
“Developing positive relationships with your child’s teachers and administrators is the number one way to be a good advocate for your child,” says Sandra Harvey, elementary education instructor at East Carolina University’s College of Education, and former public school teacher and administrator in Pitt and Martin counties. “They want the same result you do. Everyone should link arms for the common cause.”           
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Effective advocacy can begin before the first school bell of the year rings. Harvey says it’s reasonable to request a teacher whose strengths match your child’s learning style if you’re willing to acknowledge most principals know their staff’s abilities better than you do.            
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She recommends a parent-teacher conference before, or right after, the school year begins, to establish a positive environment for addressing future issues. “Ask for curriculum expectations for that grade,” she says. “Find out where your child is on the continuum and how you can partner with the teacher to help your child meet key objectives.”           
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The best advocates, according to Harvey, are parents who volunteer in the classroom, chaperone field trips, participate in parent-teacher associations and donate supplies when they’re able. These parents see the challenges faced by school staff and fellow parents, and are often motivated to work toward solutions that will benefit their own children, as well as others.            
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When a problem arises, parents should first schedule a meeting with the teacher, Harvey says. Keep in mind that teachers are busy people and their time should be respected.            
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If you’ve already established a positive relationship, the teacher should be willing to work with you. Avoid going to the principal unless efforts with the teacher fail to get results; doing so can undermine the teacher’s authority and create an unfavorable climate for partnership. Realize negative interactions can permanently affect the student-teacher relationship.           
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“It’s natural to want to defend your child,” Harvey says, “but examine your emotions and motives, and consider what course of action will benefit your child most in the long run.” 
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Middle School: Make the Most of These Pivotal Years           
Steve Jones, head of school at Washington Montessori Public Charter School in Beaufort County, agrees that early and frequent parent interactions with teachers definitely impact academic outcomes, especially during middle school years, when peer pressure is most influential.            
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Jones encourages parents to meet with their child’s teachers before the school year begins, and write or email them weekly throughout the year to monitor their child’s progress and discover ways to foster improvement. In his two decades of classroom and administrative experience, he’s seen many middle school parents “step too far back because they assume their child is ready for more responsibility than he or she really is.”            
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While middle school teachers are focused on preparing students for high school, many of their students are focused on testing boundaries. Teacher input can be as telling for parents as their kids’ social media pages and text messages, Jones says.      
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“Regularly swapping information with teachers gives you a more accurate picture of how your kid’s doing academically, as well as socially,” he says. He stresses that attending school-related activities multiplies a parent’s opportunities for those positive, informal interactions with teachers that don’t come as often during the middle school years.
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High School: Help Shape Your Teen’s Future Success           
The same themes ring true through high school, according to Lora Joyner, a health science education instructor at Ayden Grifton High School with a background in child development and family relations.            
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While hovering parents can thwart a student’s transition to complete independence, Joyner cautions against “checking out” of your child’s academic life too soon.           
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“You still need to know what’s required of your child, and whether or not she’s accomplishing it,” she says. “At the beginning of each course, ask your child for the syllabus and the teacher’s contact information. Check the school website frequently for progress report dates and other important information.”            
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Offer your child tools and encouragement, but don’t do his work for him, Joyner says. Recognize the long-term value of mastering an important concept, or learning to work independently over earning a stellar grade.           
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Encourage your high school student to consult his teacher one-on-one when he encounters difficulty, but don’t hesitate to follow up personally. “Teachers are open to working with parents who are willing to assume some responsibility,” Joyner said. “But for best results, approach them with questions rather than accusations.”           
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Although school communication may be less frequent in high school than in lower grades, Joyner says a total absence of it probably means your child is failing to bring things home. Again, don’t underestimate the benefits of maintaining a presence at school events; doing so keeps parents informed, but in the “peripheral” way most teenagers prefer.
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Ask Questions About Your Child’s Education           
Knowing your child’s answers to these questions will make you a better advocate:

1. What’s the coolest thing you learned today? 

2. What was the biggest waste of your time?

3. Do you learn things most easily by watching, listening or doing?

4. Do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Why?

5. In what subjects are you currently doing well?

6. What are you having trouble with?

7. What do you like/dislike most about that class/classmate/teacher?

8. How can I support/assist you through this project?

9. What grade did you make on that project/test? Why?

10. What do you get excited about at school?
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Becoming your child’s best advocate is all about good communication. Strive to keep the lines open between you, your children and the teachers who are shaping their lives, and your efforts will pay off all the way from kindergarten to high school graduation.
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Amy Adams Ellis is a staff writer for Crystal Coast Parent and Eastern Carolina Parent magazines. In her 16 years of parenting, she has logged many hours advocating for her four children in school, often attending three awards programs at three schools within three hours. Efforts to build positive relationships with her children’s teachers have left her with tremendous respect for all they do, as well as some cool, new friends!

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